These Days It Feels Nice to Break Stuff 🔨
Look, it’s a psychologically weird time right now. I haven’t spoken to a new human in three weeks, I’ve downloaded TikTok, and I’m still not drinking enough water.
Have things gotten worse since last time with, you know, the ducks? Let’s see. Here are your pandemic purchases, rated.
ROMANTIC POTATO
Starting strong. Pretty inexpensive and with arguably huge effect. Extra flair in the face-confetti (in case the massive spud with 'MISS YOU' on wasn't enough). Dan also has half of his dinner sorted, and for free. He's a lucky man. Iconic work, Tiff. 8.5/10.
SNAILS
No better time to arrange some extra company, and snails are pretty low maintenance when it comes to money and time. Plus, the one on Courtney's thumb is showing the attachment levels we all dream of. SAVE THE SNAILS. 9/10.
POGO STICK
Make Riley our leader. Great form of exercise, just the right amount terrifying and only a 67% chance of breaking something. Great odds. 7/10.
UNIDENTIFIED BLUE OBJECT
Thank God. Just as you were all doing a little too well, Claire came through and saved things. Utterly terrifying. Would say send him back but we worry about the repercussions. Good luck sleeping Claire. 3/10.
WORMS
If not done, like Courtney's Snail escapade, to save the worms from people's stomachs, then what for? Worms don't hug you back George. Pensive 4/10.
CAT SOMBRERO
Don't think this needs explaining, does it. Here we have this week's 10/10.
If we've got you feeling inspired to spend, why not help someone out who is in serious need right now? That, is a proper pandemic purchase. Become an 11/10 pandemic spender.
